


A Benevolent Takeover

by CJCroen1393



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen, Minor Character Death, Strexcorp, hostile takeover fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 11:38:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJCroen1393/pseuds/CJCroen1393
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welcome to Night Vale...under new management...</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Benevolent Takeover

**Author's Note:**

> A random idea I had a little while ago. I know, I have an MST to work on, but this plot bunny wouldn't leave me alone. Minor spoilers for the little "Strex" arc in "Welcome to Night Vale", but this is kind of an AU.

Close your eyes. It will all be over soon. Welcome to Night Vale!

Sad news, listeners. It is with a heavy heart that I inform you that I have been forceOW!-- _advised_ to retire early, by our ruthless dictatAUGH! _benevolent guests_ , StrexCorp. I will be leaving immediately. I shall miss all of you, but our new leaders have been generous enough to allow me to continue livingACK! IN NIGHT VALE! Geez...Please let me finish! If anyone needs to contact me, I'm currently residing at the home of Carlos the Scientist. And...oh...hello, Kevin.

Hello, Cecil. I think you are supposed to be leaving now. You _are_ packed, right?

Yes.

Well...what are you waiting for? Get on out! You don't have to keep hanging out around here!

Yes.

Hehe...Hello Night Vale. This is Kevin, the _new_ voice of Night Vale. I shall be taking over for Cecil Palmer from now on. To start with, we shall report the recent epidemic of missing persons, namely the notorious child criminal Tamika Flynn. However, we are currently speaking about the disappearance of Mayor Pamela Winchell. Shortly after the benevolent takeover of Night Vale by StrexCorp, she went missing and nobody has seen her since. There is a rumor spread by someone, one Steve Carlsberg, who says that he heard her inside of her town hall. He says that he heard her, screaming and begging for her life, before two gunshots were fired and then witnessed a few StrexCorp vans driving away.

Well, I have no idea why Mr. Carlsberg would come up with that, but I'm fairly certain that he's lying. But then again, most people lie around here. Like that old lady who lives down by the car lot...what is her name? I think it starts with a "J" but I can't remember what it was...oh well. 

But Mr. Carlsberg...you have nothing to worry about. StrexCorp is most benevolent and would never commit such a heinous act of murder like that. Nobody, not even a clear threat to StrexCorp's obvious superiority like Pamela Winchell would ever deserve such a heinous act happening to her. Just forget about it, okay?

In other news, I sent Intern Vanessa to speak to the beautiful, perfect scientist, Carlos. Specifically, I asked her to speak to him about StrexCorp's repeated request of employment. A recording of what they said:

Vanessa: Mr. Carlos! A moment of your time?  
Carlos:...  
Vanessa: Mr. Carlos, I wish to ask about the requests StrexCorp has sent you...  
Carlos: No comment.  
Vanessa: But Mr. Carlos, all I ask is for you to answer a few questions...  
Carlos: No comment.  
Vanessa: But--  
Carlos: No comment. I do not wish to be hassled any further, I have a lot of work to do. I do not want to talk about StrexCorp and I do not want to talk to the press. Good day.  
*a door slams, recording ends*

Well that was awfully rude of him. Oh well, now onward to today's traffic.

The traffic is relatively slow today with StrexCorp helicopters monitering everything. Millions of people are yelling at each other. Oh! I see that Marcus Vansten is plowing over everyone with an enormous robot! Not too unusual...oh dear, people are getting angry! I wish I could tell them that we can't do anything about the robot. Marcus Vansten is the richest man in town and nobody can do anything about him. He's pretty much above the law! Oh well. If he wasn't, I'd probably have asked the helicopter to shoot him down. Oh well!

Oh...now Vansten's robot is starting to break things. And people. Well, there's nothing we can do about that.

And now, a few words from our sponsors. And those words, are "duck", "cheap" and "leg".

And now, sports. The Night Vale Wolf Spiders have once again lost a game, this time to the Shroudville Eagle Owls. And we all watched with the utmost satisfaction as they were beaten. Well, you win some you lose some.

In political news, a three way debate will soon be occurring between mayoral candidates, Hiram McDaniels, Marcus Vansten and the Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Home. And my honest opinion about it? Well, obviously, the only good candidate is Marcus Vansten! A model, _human_ citizen! Not a big hulking lizard or a spooky old spector! Hehe...Oh! We have a call! That was unexpected! We don't usually get callers! Hello, you're on Welcome to Night Vale!

"Hi, this is Hiram McDaniel's gold head, or the 'big hulking lizard'. Look, I find that kind of language extremely offensive, I would also like to inform you that I am very angry at all the changes you are making, and all of my heads agree with me! I mean seriously, all this rotting flesh and bloody meat!? ALL OVER THE PLACE!? I want to tell you that when I become mayor of Night Vale I will run you and your StrexCorp masters out of town, you hear me!? YOU WILL BE GONE! I'LL RUN YOU OUT OF HERE AND BACK TO THAT HORRIBLE CRATER YOU CALL HOME! YOU BUNCH OF--"

Okay, next caller. Hello, you're on Welcome to Night Vale!

"Hello. This is the Faceless Old Woman. Look I'll just cut to the chase: Unlike my opponent I am not a temperamental person, but I am going to agree with him on one thing. I will not tolerate your racism. Racism is something Cecil would never tolerate, and neither will I. I will not stand idly by and be insulted by a cheap imitation of Night Vale's treasured voice on the grounds of my species or whether I happen to be alive or dead. I sincerely hope, for _your_ sake, that Tamika gets to you before I become mayor. Because I will not show any mercy to you. Also, I burned your house down. Your comment offended me that much. Well, goodbye."

Well that was creepy...Ooh! One more caller!

"THIS IS STEVE CARLSBERG! LOOK I KNOW YOU MURDERED THE MAYOR AND GOD KNOWS WHO ELSE! I WILL PROVE IT YOU SICK--"

This isn't going well...well, let's go on...

In medical news, the strange cat that floats in the men's room has mysteriously collapsed in midair. It was the strangest thing, too! A group of heavily armed StrexCorp veterinarians walk in with specialized euthanization syringes and then come out after several hours and by some bizarre coincidence the poor floating cat collapses! The poor thing. It's offspring are letting out screeches of what I assume is supposed to resemble human grief, but clearly isn't because they're animals. On the upside, the cat still has a pulse and therefore is not dead...yet.

And now...oh my...what is this? Some sort of strange glowing portal? Oh! And it's dropping someone off! It's a woman! And she's wearing...a Night Vale Community Radio t-shirt! This means that she is an intern here! Hello there, ma'am!

...Who...who are you?

I was just about to ask you the same thing!

Don't play games with me! Who are you!? Where is Cecil! What have you done with him!?

Um...oh...she's taking out a cellphone!

...Are you the cause of all this? Are _you_ the reason I can't get a hold of Cecil!? It's because of you, isn't it!? ANSWER ME!

Um...

ANSWER ME!

Ahh! I think this is a good time for the weather!!!!

[thirty seven minutes of screaming, torture and other unpleasant noises]

Ah...Hello listeners. It's good to be back.

Hmm...ah, yes, it's me, Cecil. Yes listeners, I'm back. 

You see, Kevin and Dana got into a bit of a scrap and Dana attempted to call me to come over for help; but when I found them, they were suddenly sucked into a large portal! About thirty minutes later, Dana popped back out of the portal but Kevin didn't! Thanks to Kevin's mysterious disappearance, Night Vale Community Radio needs a new announcer. And guess who they chose! That's right, me!

Well I am not sure where Kevin vanished away, but I'm glad Dana's back. I asked Dana if she would like to join Carlos and I at Arby's. She said she definitely would, but first she wants to help out poor little Khoshekh the Cat, who is currently floating in a state resembling death. Good on you Dana. Good on you.

On the subject of death, sad news Night Vale. Mayor Pamela Winchell is dead. Sometime after I entered and Dana and Kevin disappeared, another intern informed me that the Mayor's dead body was discovered by the sheriff's secret police. The suspected cause of death was a bullet wound to the head. Steve Carlsberg...ugh...he emailed me with a transcript of what he heard from her before her death. Ahem:

"NO! PLEASE, I'LL DO ANYTHING! I'LL PLEDGE MY UNDYING LOYALTY TO YOU, I'LL TORTURE ANYONE YOU TELL ME TO, I'LL EVEN STEP DOWN AS MAYOR FOR GOOD! JUST PLEASE, _PLEASE_ DON'T KILL ME!"

Steve Carlsberg, please don't be an idiot! We all KNOW that this was a murder! We just don't know who commited it! And even if we did, we wouldn't be allowed to reveal who it is.

Well, there isn't much else to say, except, do you ever look out at the night sky and ask yourself, "are we alone in the universe?" Well the answer to that question is "no". We are most certainly NOT alone in the universe. We are ALL being watched, observed and seen. Sleep with your eyes open. Goodnight Night Vale...goodnight.

End.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it sucks...I was up half the night working on this...


End file.
